I’m a Weight Watcher,
I’m a Weight Watcher,
Watchin’ food go by.
My, my, my.

I’m a Weight Watcher,
I’m a plate watcher.
Here comes a cream pie
Mmmm, mmm, mmm.

I was just a boy
When I tried to eat my toy.
Couldn’t reacy my toes
To put my shoes on.

But now I’m 28,
I’m big, fat, and overweight.
I’ve got a new pastime to chew on.

I’m a Weight Watcher,
I’m a plate watcher.
Watchin’ food go by,
My, my, my.

Plate of cheese nachos.
I gotta watch those.
Here come some now.
Mmm, mm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh, no, none for me, thanks.
Watchin’ my figure.
Oh, they look delicious.
No, no, no, no.

Oh, they smell good, too.
mmm…I shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t.
You make these yourself?
Well, maybe just two.

You loved us when the band was hot.
And now we’re gonna give it one more shot.
We’re gettin’ old,
We must be crazy.

We’re puttin’ on the makeup again.
It covers up a buncha wrinkled skin.
You bring the bread,
We’ll make the gravy.

You keep on standin’,
We’ll keep on singin.

I used to rock and roll all night
But now my hair’s turning gray.
I have to get to bed by nine,
Rub on a tube of Ben-Gay.

Haven’t picked up my guitar for a while,
Not since them hula-hoops went outta style.
It’s been a while,
I’m pretty rusty.

We’ll give you everything we got.
Would you like to see my liver spots?
You drive us home if we get sleepy.
If the shirts keep on sellin’,
We’ll keep on yellin’

I used to rock and roll all night
But now my hair’s turning gray.
I have to get to bed by nine,
Rub in a tube of Ben-Gay.

I wanna rock and roll all night
But I can’t stay awake
I’d like to rock and roll all night
But then my body would ache.
I’ll try to rock and roll all night,
If there’s some dough to be made
I wanna rock and roll all night,
But I get drowsy by eight.

Lately all the songs I write
Are slow and on the mellow side.

I used to stand on MTV,
But now they bring a chair for me.

Let me get a tube of ointment
Let’s rub my achy joints,
And turn my hearing aid loud,
And throw Depends into the crowd.

This must be how it feels,
This must be how it feels,
To get old.

If I try to play hard rock,
It’d probably put me into shock.

Don’t expect no big drum fills,
The drummer’s lost his motor skills.

So let’s get to the point,
I’m as mellow as the Doobies.

And when I head to the commode,
I just pray that I can go.

And this must be how it feels,
To be old.

I’m getting fatter all the time.
I used to be size 32 and I never gave.
My jeans used to fit, I looked cool.
Now I’m not the same.
Put on a few pounds, my shape’s getting round.
And lately I can’t see my shoes.

I hate to admit, but I’m getting fatter, fatter,
A little fatter all the time.
I can’t lose no weight.
Yes, I admit I’m getting fatter, fatter, I’m getting fatter.

I love to dine. That meat’s pretty cruel to my waistline.
I’m driving a steak through my heart
Eating things that I love.
Man, I was lean but I dug french cuisine.
Now I’m big as the Michelin Man.

I admit I’m getting fatter, fatter,
I’m getting fatter all the time.
I can’t skip desert. Now, I don’t dare get on a ladder.
Fatter, I’m getting fatter.

It ain’t no crime getting so much fatter all the time.
I’m getting fatter all the time.
Fatter, fatter, fatter.

I’m getting fatter all the time.
Fatter, fatter, fatter.
Getting so much fatter all the time.

I was a little too stuffed, had to lose a few pounds,
Pants too tight, seams bustin’ out.
Just had a big burrito with beans and rice,
Salsa on top, with some extra spice,
Lots of extra spice.

Out there in the bathroom where the air gets heavy,
Sat on the cold seat, thought I was ready,
Workin’ on crosswords and readin’ the news.

Workin’ on a bowel move.
Tryin’ to move some backed-up drive-through food.
Workin’ on a bowel move.

And it was takin’ time.
Unhhhhhhhhh.

I was up last night tryin’ to make some thunder.
How long would it take? I sat and wondered.
Started readin’ a magazine from 1962….
Yet I’m waitin’ on a bowel move,
‘Cause I’m all bound up from cheese that’s turned to glue.
Prayin’ for a bowel move.
I’m out of paper again.

Bowel move.
Unhhhh….
(Bowel move) Ain’t it funny how it takes so much time…
(Bowel move) For a bowel move.
(Bowel move) I wanna remember; I wanna remember;
I wanna remember.
(Bowel move) I should have brought my camera.
Ohhh ohhhh…
Ooooooooo hunh…
Ohhhhhh yeah, yeah, yeah…heah…
Uh huh…
Huh huh….